i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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