I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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