Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
