Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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