he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Come on in and take your pants off
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