there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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