I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize