I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
either way he was missing a nipple.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
