Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
