There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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