she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When are your genitals available?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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