woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you had me at cake vodka
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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