the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
