I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
