I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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