Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
