My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
