After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
