So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
