Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
