so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize