My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
