: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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