do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
