I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
nutella sex= disaster
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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