i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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