she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We're too hungover to prance.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
did i just pee glitter
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
