dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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