hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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