I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
