he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize