so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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