We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
