dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
