so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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