I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
