We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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