do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i out mim tonsoeep
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