I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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