my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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