My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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