I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.