No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
