We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
