I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
