I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.