Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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