She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
