Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
did you just send me my own nude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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