life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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