I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
