apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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