my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
