he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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