Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
