All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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