so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
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Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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