I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
40s are totally the cure
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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