Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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