you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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