I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
whose parrot is this?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
and you fell through a lawn chair
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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