i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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