Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
