Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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