go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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