I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
