While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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