ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
