If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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