I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
