This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
